Toxicity.

there's
a kind
of longing
that stops
your breath
mid-dance,

a hammer
through your
record player heart;

all the organs stop
to gawk at the commotion.

it burns up
your gums
like a french kiss with
whiskey,
your teeth rotting
even as your lips embrace:
toxicity.

it throws your heart
again and again
against your ribs:
relentless.

but you
you are left
with staggered breath
and a smile,

because you've learned to want for this life
just as thoroughly you wanted to leave it.